I Pledge To Be Strong, Beautiful One
by Prolepsis
Summary: Chaos is threatening to take over my life. Only I plan to be in control. Nothing can stop me from acheiving my goals. Hermione resorts to a dangerous cycle to keep the turmoil around her from affecting her mind. HrD WARNING: ED TRIG
1. A Real Woman

This fanfiction deals with an eating disorder. As a sufferer of this disease I thought this would serve as an outlet. In **NO WAY** do I support this deadly mental illness.

If you or anyone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, I highly recommend getting help. Although I have not sought recovery myself, I will hope the best for you all.

--------------------------------

Never was there a more tranquil night. The stars seemed to caress my cheek with their iridescent light, and the shimmer of the snow made for a picturesque scene. I ungracefully turned on my side to look at my friend, who was admiring the view as well.

"I can't thank you enough for taking me along," Lizbeth whispered, turning to face me.

"I'm just glad my parents _actually_ let me bring you," I whispered back, half-giggling.

"Seriously Herms, I think they hate me," Lizbeth said. She stood up to shake a few rogue snowflakes from her jacket.

"No, they just find you a bit..erm…eccentric," I said and gave her quick once-over.

It was true that my parents, who completely accepted the fact I was witch, thought my friend peculiar. Her ebony, chin-length bob was fluffed forward from the crown. She artfully dyed her bangs a charming color of tickle-me-pink. Not to mention her seven piercings, two on unmentionable areas.

"Maybe it's the tattoo," I shrugged. I torpidly looked out at the snow covered mountains.

Lizbeth lifted up her sleeve and stared down at her "MOM" tattoo. A winding rose circled it.

"It's only for when I do handstands!" she said rather loudly. "Wow?! Duh.…"

She rolled her eyes and ruminated over the folly of previous generations.

I positioned myself upright and grabbed my bag.

"Shhhh! We don't want the management down here again," I said, looking into the deserted ski lodge. I took out my key and silently inserted it into the lock. It clicked into place.

With a slight push I opened the large oak door. Me and Lizbeth walked into the lobby of the ski lodge. According to plan, it was completely empty.

"You grab the cocoa from behind the desk and I'll grab the graham crackers from the employees' lounge," Lizbeth whispered authoritatively. Like a spy duo we shot to the destinations.

It was easy enough finding the cocoa. With our prizes in tow, we stealthily climbed up the oak staircase to our hotel room.

Laughing like hyenas we collapsed on one of the comfortable beds in the room. We gobbled into the box of graham crackers, licking the cinnamon-y goodness from our fingers.

I made the cocoa and sat back down on the bed. I brought along a Herbology book in case we ran out of stuff to talk about.

"Ugh, Herms, you're such an over-achiever," Lizbeth said with a disgusted look. "It's winter break. You'll have plenty of time when we go back to study!"

"It's never too early to start studying," I replied, turning to _Grooming your Kertuple plant_.

Lizbeth slammed the book shut and threw it at the wall. "You just need to learn how to live in the moment. You over-analyze stuff."

I stared at her, wondering how a girl with her nungas pierced could be preaching to me.

"Maybe I just like getting perfect marks? I mean, if you at least _tried_ in Potions you would end up in good shape," I giggled and prepared to hear her vent about Snape, the Potions' professor.

"Don't get me started," Lizbeth muttered, taking a swig of her drink. "This cocoa is too sweet to bitter it with talk about Potions."

We talked about life at Hogwarts late into the night then passed out on the bed. Graham crackers and cocoa soiled the comforter.

---

My death-like slumber was interrupted by a crisp knock on the door.

'Hopefully, whoever it is will go away," I thought lazedly and snuggled deeper into the pillows.

The knocking continued until I was fully awake. I shot forward and a sinking realization hit me.

"Lizbeth! Wake up!" I screeched. I looked up at the mounted wall clock. _10:34a.m._

Panicked spiders crawled up my skin, sending goosebumps to the back of my neck.

I sprinted to the door and opened it slightly. It was my mother.

"I hope you two are ready," a woman in her late thirties said. She had on a smart white button down shirt and a black pencil skirt. I immediately noticed her face looking more stressed than usual.

"Um, we are just going to throw some clothes on," I said nervously. There was always something about my mum's meticulous appearance that made me shifty. I mentally noted to wear something proper for once.

"No robes until we get to the train station," She said, turning on her heel. "Breakfast is down in the lobby at eleven. Bring your trunks."

I closed the door and looked to the two empty behemoths stacked in the corner.

"Lizbeth!" I shook her shoulders and tugged at her raven hair.

She opened her black eyes and blinked a few times before jerking upright. At least she shared the same virtue for punctuality as me.

With a flourish of clothes, books, and school items we accomplished putting all of our possessions into the two gigantic trunks. At precisely 11:01 a.m. we were wheeling our trunks out of the elevator and into the lobby.

"Late," my mum said, not looking up from _The Guardian_. She took a teeny sip of her orange juice.

"Morning Mum. Dad," I said and took a seat next to my mom while Lizbeth sat opposite.

Dad smiled and handed us three ladies a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. Lizbeth instantly tore into her batch.

I looked hungrily at the toast and reached for a rather delectable piece spread with preserves. Mum looked down her nose in disapproval.

Instead I grabbed the piece spread with Smart Balance. She nodded.

"So, Hermione. I expect at least a letter a week," my dad said with a wink. He turned to Lizbeth. "And it was swell having you for the break, Lizbeth."

Lizbeth swallowed a bite of toast and smiled. Crumbs were stuck between her teeth.

I giggled and stole furtive glances at Mum. She looked rather appalled and took another teeny sip of her juice.

After a minute or two of eating (and Mum not eating), Dad broke the silence.

"Well, it was a lovely breakfast. I'm going to put the luggage in the cab," Dad said, and grabbed one of the big trunks.

"Mr. Granger, let me help you with that one," Lizbeth said, running over to retrieve her case. Knowing Lizbeth I could only guess what illegal substances could be in there.

As they walked out of the lobby Mum took a miniscule bite of egg, chewing very slowly. Her face contorted from repulsion.

Setting down her fork she said, "Hermione, I want you to consider what I said." She cleared her throat and took a sip of her drink. "It's important to be in good health. I don't want you eating too much of the sweets back at school. It's starting to show."

A feeling of inferiority swept over me. I fidgeted with the navy button on my jumper.

"And it would be wise not to wear that again," Mum said with a huff. She reached into her purse and gave me a _Shape_ magazine.

"It accentuates your, ahem, large hips." Mum inserted a mint into her mouth and pulled on a pair of sunglasses.

"I'm only saying what I think is best for you dear."

---

The ride back into London was onerous. I felt the _Shape_ magazine burning a hole through my bag and prayed that Mum wouldn't say anything else degrading for the remaining time.

Light drops of rain landed on the cab as it pulled up to the train station. The snow on the ground turned into a gray slush.

I dismounted the vehicle and shivered in the wet cold. Lizbeth pulled on her yellow and blue beanie and stepped out beside me.

"Well, it was good seeing you two," Dad said. He gave me a big hug and started pulling our trunks from the car.

"Yes, nice to see you Hermione!" Mum yelled from the car. She shivered even though the heat was on full blast.

"See you in May," I said and helped Lizbeth push the loaded bell hop into the train station.

It was easy enough getting onto Platform 9 ¾ since we had done it for six years now. I was happy that I was going back to a stable home.

It wasn't that I hated Mum and Dad. I loved them with all my heart. But Mum. It would be nice if she was _proud _of me every once in a while. Dad was completely oblivious to Mum's peculiarities. He never saw her pick at her food, criticize my body, and obsessively workout. It is a good thing I have magic to focus on instead of getting caught up in the same cycle she's in.

For most of the journey to Hogwarts I was asleep. Lizbeth and I had found our favorite cabin on the Hogwart's Express to be empty. So we made ourselves comfortable on the buttery leather seats and talked about who we were excited to see again. Harry and Ron immediately came to mind. Then with a yawn I was into a sound nap.

I awoke to find the window of the Express drenched with rain and the cabin icy cold. I took out my wand and did a basic incantation to make it warmer. Lizbeth was asleep on the seat across from me, snoring slightly.

I slumped back into the seat and took out the _Shape_ magazine from my bag. An intense hatred drifted throughout my body as I stared at the toned model on the cover. What was it about her that Mum didn't see in me?

_Ultimate Swimsuit Makeovers _

_We make real women look 10lbs. thinner_

I almost laughed and chucked the magazine into my bag. Hopefully my perfect marks would make up for being a "real woman."

The sweet trolley rolled to our cabin. I pulled out a few shillings to buy a chocolate frog for later.


	2. Replaced

Whoo. I'm on a roll, even though I should be studying for my World History AP exam. I am really getting into this fanfic. I think of new ideas when waiting in line at the mall to when I am reading about the magnificent Punic Wars. sarcasm

And it's lucky that I only have one week of school before break so there will be lots of new chapters coming up. Expect the future ones to be much longer.

Lizbeth and I climbed the frozen stone steps to the castle doors. A biting wind scratched at our faces and threatened to push us into the lake. Just before a particularly nasty gust of wind, we escaped into the entrance hall.

There's some kind of chilling feeling one gets when they walk into their beloved home after a long absence. A peace of mind, I guess you could call it. All troublesome thoughts of before had left my mind and a calm, zen-like presence held me in it's parental arms. My thoughts were clearer, my vision acute, and my hearing zoned.

A few Ravenclaws scattered into the Great Hall for what I assumed was supper. Lizbeth took a clammy hand and jammed it into mine, dragging me to the cold glow of light. Cold being that the sky in the Great Hall took on the appearance of the stormy weather from outside.

The Hall was bustling with chatter, though more mellowed than previous years. I immediately noticed the slight intermingling of the Houses. Of course, Slytherin and Griffindor refused to have anything to do with one another.

"Aye, Lizbeth!" A lanky Asian Gryffindor hailed at my friend from the table. She shared the same exotic fascination of piercings and had a rather disturbing tattoo of Kanji down the side of her face. Lizbeth said she'd "catch up with me" in the common room and went to sit with her other friend.

A sinking sensation bubbled in the pit of my stomach as I nervously sat down by myself. Harry and Ron were most likely late from Quidditch practice, I surmised, and helped myself to roasted turkey and greens.

My Astronomy book was rather intriguing, if I do say so myself. But after my third helping of pumpkin pie I decided that Harry and Ron weren't going to make supper.

I gathered my books and maneuvered through the exiting crowd to the restroom.

It reeked of lemon and turpentine and was, surprisingly, empty. I set my bundle on one of the various counters and washed my hands of the sticky pumpkin remains.

My shoes made dull echoes in the high walled bathroom as I walked over to the mirror. I stared at myself in mild curiosity.

'_Hair could be much bouncier_.' I thought and gave it a vain fluff. '_Outfit? Eurghnn...my big hips.'_ I chuckled slightly.

That's when a stall door slammed opened. I nearly leaped out of "unflattering" jumper and turned so fast I hit my head against the mirror.

As I stood rubbing my forehead in embarrassment I noticed a Slytherin emblem on the person's blazer. _Just what I needed_.

"G-granger?!" Pansy stammered hoarsely. She cleared her throat and tried to put on her usual snooty face.

If malnourishment had an incarnate, it would be Pansy Parkinson at that moment. Her face was pale, and her cheekbones prominent. I noticed her collarbones peeking out of her jacket which was haphazardly forced onto the bony body. Stringy brunette locks hung limp around her haggard face.

"Oh my. Pansy. What happened!" Despite the animosity between us I rushed forward to relieve her of her bag. She straightened up and backed away.

"Nothing Granger. I'm just…" She weaved slightly to the right and threatened to crash into a large potted plant. Her knees buckled and she slumped to the floor, clutching her head. I gasped and grabbed her shoulders before she hit the hard marble floor.

"Pansy? Pansy!" I said, my voice etched in panic. I shook her slightly then remembered the rejuvenating elixir in my bag. Gently, I laid her unconscious body on the floor. I felt her ribs protruding from her loose undershirt.

The heavy purple syrup slipped easily into her mouth and her reflexes swallowed it in enormous gulps. She coughed and opened her eyes.

"Pansy? Are you alright. You passed out."

Pansy shook her head slightly and stood up. She walked over to the mirror and contorted her face in disgust.

"Bloody flu," she half-spoke, half-whispered. "The entire break; wasted."

"Maybe you should see a nurse. You look really bad." I tried to portray a look of sincerity. I failed miserably.

Without a word she gathered her things and walked to the door. Her slim fingers clutched the knob, but she turned to look me in the face. Her dark brown eyes had regained their usual arrogant glint. "I don't need _your_ help Granger." And at that she walked out.

There's the Pansy I knew. My nemesis, so to say. No official confrontation sparked our unspoken competition. But there was something about her I loathed. Maybe it is the way she is loved by her House, or how she looked flawless in her, ahem, tailored robes and leather boots. On the flip side, she hates me for being brilliant. I'll admit, the teachers are wrapped around my pinky, but it doesn't compare to how the boys salivate over her.

I shook off the odd meeting and headed for the Gryffindor common room. Hopefully my friends would be there.

"Chocolate Cauldrons." The lady in the pink dress swung forward to reveal the common room. Much to my dismay, no was here.

I flopped into a comfortable chair and sulked a minute or two before pulling out _Shape_. I flipped to page 54.

---

_'Damn, that was a close one Pansy,' _I thought to myself. It had taken approximately ten minutes of deep breathing to calm myself since leaving the bathroom.

That was just too too too close.

I checked my emerald-encrusted watch. Dinner was over and the common room is definitely full. Hopefully I look decent.

The hallways seemed to wiggle and shake as I climbed the stairs to the Slytherin common room. Every clack of my shoes seem to reverberate inside of my head. I nearly wept tears of joy as the familiar stone wall came into view.

Faulty steps sent me to the ground inside the stone tunnel. I cursed and crawled into common room, where a cluster of well-known faces stared at me. '_So much for an entrance.'_

Smiles and greetings and compliments blended together into one confusing blob. I didn't know what to say, so I kept my face in a smirk.

I brushed off the first-year girls huddled around me, and went for the 'Seventh-year only' couch. So what if I wasn't exactly in my seventh year. No one but the Slytherin Prefects enforced that rule.

"Pansy." A handsome, flaxen male patted the gray sofa. His eyes hinted of fire and malice, but now resided in a cool cerulean. "I don't have the honor of being the first you talk to?" He touched his heart as though wounded.

Damn. There was something about him that was so unnerving. I went to The Couch and slid next to him, slightly nervous. _'What's gotten into you Parkinson?! Edgy over Draco?' _The thought almost made me laugh.

Draco cleared his throat, preparing to tell an infamous story about his vacation. A few of his close friends leaned forward as well as a few Draco groupies. I rolled my eyes, and prepared to leave; I knew what was coming. Draco met some beautiful, mysterious witch over break, hooked up with her and was going to brag to his friends. Blah blah.

"It's different this time guys," He said to his crowd. Theodore Nott sat in an opposite couch, slouched back slightly and looking highly amused. Crabbe and Goyle guffawed even though no joke was told. Blaise Zabini sat next to Nott looking pretty as ever. Montague just looked as though he were bored.

"Eh, Draco, every year you say the same thing," Montague started, leaning back to stretch. "You met a witch from Russia last year. The year before you banged some chick from Israel. How does this affect us?"

"Shut up, I said this year was different didn't I?" Malfoy spat and scrunched his nose in annoyance. "This time it was a girl from Hogwarts."

The entire common room seemed to hear. A few nobodies ran into the huddle around Draco. Inside I froze. It was one thing for Draco to hook up with a girl I didn't know. But someone here at Hogwarts? My intestines writhed and I felt like I was going to puke.

"Intriguing Malfoy. Do continue," Montague said, leaning back into the couch. Theodore chuckled and added, "Let's hope it's someone worth mentioning."

I shifted uneasily in my seat. _'Who's the unlucky shit I'll reap hell on this semester.' _

"So this winter Father let me choose the destination. Since we had never been to Fort Leo before, I said, 'what the heck? we'll try it.'"

A few Slytherins crinkled their noses in disgust. Draco seemed to read their thoughts.

"Yea, I know its well below ideal for a vacation spot. But I was tired of the usual promiscuous witches I had "seen" before. I knew at Fort Leo there was bound to be someone from our school."

_'Draco, you little—,' _I thought. St. Leo was a trash wizarding resort in Italy. It is cute in that dirty, antique kind of way, and was infested with mudbloods and half-bloods.

A Slytherin wouldn't be caught dead there under any circumstances.

"Were you _that_ desperate?" Theodore laughed. "Especially when you have Parkinson?" He gave me a smoldering look.

I coyly wrapped my arms around Draco's neck but he shook me off like a fly. I smirked and shrugged my shoulders while inside I was reeling. _'He hates you,'_ a voice inside my head nagged.

"We stayed in supposedly the best rooms available," Draco said with air quotations. "And one day I hung out in reception area when I noticed two girls laughing at a photograph. One was Marietta Edgecombe, and the other was…? Any takers?"

The group thought for a moment. I was trying to suppress the urge to grab Draco's neck and snap it in half. '_How could he be telling this story in front of me?'_

"Well let's be sensible and narrow down the choices," Theodore mocked. "Ms. Edgecombe is hardly good enough for Malfoy. We know she's a Ravenclaw. Who does Marietta hang out with? What do you think Crabbe and Goyle?"

Crabbe seemed to come out of a reverie and Goyle grinned. They didn't know what was going on.

"Well she is in the popular crowd of Ravenclaws," a bystander stated matter-of-factly.

"And who else is in this crowd?" Draco said impatiently, his blue eyes blazed with annoyance. It made him look hot. "Jeez, you guys are really stupid. Don't whine when you fail your N.E.W.T.S."

"No need to get touchy Draco. I've figured it out," Blaise Zabini said. The throng of Slytherins leaned in to hear. I watched Blaise soak in the attention.

Blaise pushed a black, curly lock out of his face. He sneered handsomely and said, "Cho Chang."


	3. No Event Unattached

Yay! Christmas vacation! Hopefully I will get alot of fanfic writing done.

And sorry if this is short for some of you. Sometimes I get going with my stories and have alot of great ideas, but I never end up writing them. I always go with the flow, so it just ends up equaling me with writers' block. Dx

-----------

"Ron you twit!" I cried, tears streaming down my face. It was incomprehensible. How could someone I liked, almost loved, treat me like this. Now I knew how poor Ginny must feel.

Ron stood passively. It seemed as though he realized the damage his words had caused. He sunk into a maroon colored chair and blushed furiously. "I-I'm sorry," he began precariously. "I didn't mean it. It's just- me and Harry didn't hear from you much over the break."

"That's a great excuse. So to cover up the fact that you _actually_ missed me you make up tales about me and Viktor?!" Hot tears dropped onto my sweater and soaked into the fabric. I imagined that all the Gryffindor's thought me and Viktor kicked it off real well over break. That explains why no one would talk to me all night. I snuffled and punched a pillow cushion.

"Miss you? Hermione, I get enough of you during the school year," Ron yelled. "I just assumed you were going to see Viktor over the break is all."

I stopped crying and stormed off into the girls dormitory. Those words kept replaying in my head. "I get enough of you." '_So he definitely didn't like me as much as I liked him. See if I care.'_

I passed Parvati Patil in my angry passion, and inwardly gasped as she threw a dirty look at me. Even _she_ bought that nonsense Ron had conjured up. Did everyone really believe in my time away from studying I was some wench?

I found my maroon, four poster bed and collapsed into the pillows. I hated that someone else could control whether or not I felt happy or not. I wiped away my tears and began chewing on my nails. _'Ronald Weasley no longer has a hold on my affections,' _I thought decisively. It was another hour or so before I completely numbed the pain and drifted to sleep.

The next morning came quickly. Part of me wished I was waking up to the smells of scrambled egg whites and turkey bacon at home. Home. It was the first time I thought of Mom's scrupulous cooking in longing. The notion made me smile.

I crawled out from under the velvet comforter and looked around the dormitory. The beds were empty and neatly made. _So no one bothered to wake me up. _My visions of warm bacon and eggs vanished.

I maneuvered to the large oak dresser that held my clothes and pulled out my favorite pair of tan corduroys, an oversized maroon sweater, and my Gryffindor robe. I pulled up the pants in front of a mirror.

Snug.

I cursed and wiggled around, hoping that it was only a lack of use that caused my pants to fit tightly. No luck. It's funny how when one bad thing happens everything seems to be connected to it. But as John Muir (some Muggle author) stated, "When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the universe."

I pulled on the loose sweater and robe and rushed out of the dormitory. Hopefully that quote wouldn't mean that I would miss breakfast. I wanted to talk to Harry and Ron before classes.

"So you decided to wake up?" Lizbeth took a long sip of orange juice, and stared up at me. The wild idea that she believed those rumors came to mind, but I immediately pushed them away. I mean, she was with me the entire break.

"Just a bit tired," I muttered and sat down next to her. "Have you seen Harry and Ron?"

"Well, yes. They are glaring daggers at you from the other side of the table."

I looked up just in time to notice Ron averting his gaze. Harry, on the other hand, gave me an apologetic look. At least _someone_ was born with a brain.

"I'll see you in Defense class, Lizbeth." With that I stood up and walked over to Harry and Ron. I sat on the left side of Harry, staying as far away from Ron as possible.

"What the devil's going on Harry? Certainly this is some awful prank." I searched Harry's emerald green eyes for some explanation.

"You know, I'm not deaf," Ron said, his bright red locks peeping out from Harry's face. If I weren't so distraught I would have laughed.

"I'm not talking to you Ron." I looked at Harry again. He seemed at a bit of a crossroad.

"To tell the truth, I don't know what's going on," Harry said and looked at Ron. "Why don't you just admit you missed her? Don't drag _me_ into this mess!" He went back to munching on his ham.

A hand tapped Harry on the shoulder. "Harry, why are you talking to _her_?! She slept with Viktor, you know. The one _you_ faced in the Triwizard Tournament."

I gasped and felt heat rising into my face. I turned to face to speaker but instantly clammed up. I was looking into brilliant blue eyes and a handsome face. His nose was slightly turned upwards, and side-bangs fell adorably in his eyes. Why was I tongue-tied in front of Malfoy?

There was something different about him. He had always been handsome; always the same old jerk. I blushed again and scrunched up my nose.

"No one asked you Malfoy. Be a good boy and get back to your chaperones." I glanced at his Slytherin posse. Despite the fact I hated him, for some reason I felt butterflies in stomach. _'Stop it,'_ I told myself.

"Ah. The Mudblood speaks up. So tell me, Granger, was Krum as good in the bed as he is on the field?" Pansy Parkinson spat. She slinked to Draco's shoulder for support. The pair of them standing side-by-side was like looking at an air-brushed travel brochure to Hogwarts.

"I find it hard to believe a Durmstrang would be seen with such filth," Draco said viciously. "Any purebred for that matter." He threw a look at Ron, who was turned away from the argument.

Harry stood up, rash as always, and pulled out his wand. I tugged on his robe for him to sit, though the sting of Draco's words prevented me from speaking. _Is that why Ron hates me now?_

Malfoy quickly pulled out his wand. A flurry of students who had overheard the exchange clambered around the two combatants. I pulled on Harry's robe again, this time with more force. I was still unable to talk.

The ceiling in the Great Hall crackled with lightning and furled in an angry gray mass. A shadow cast over Harry and Draco just as they released a charm and red sparks from their wands were ricocheted to the walls. The curse from Draco's wand hit a suit of armor and reflected on an innocent first-year. Her facial hair turned a putrid green and started to grow at an alarming rate.

"Potter, that's a weeks worth of detention," a cold voice said from behind. Harry and I watched in disgust as the oily man walked into the dueling circle and stood next to Malfoy. Professor Snape, of course, will only defend his students.

"And Granger, you failed to stop Mr. Potter. Your hesitance will cost Gryffindor 10 points." The entire Gryffindor table watched the ceiling as rubies fell out of the hanging banner. The lion growled and tossed its head in anger. A few students yelled at Snape in outrage.

Professor Snape turned on his heel and resumed his post at the teachers' table. Malfoy and the Slytherins laughed in hushed voices and walked back over to their table. The crowd dissipated and the Gryffindors shot me dark looks.

I wanted to cry, but something wouldn't let me. I focused all my energy into being numb. I wouldn't let Draco's words hurt me.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry," Ron murmured across Harry. His face was pale, and he had a sincere expression on his face. His fiery bangs were smashed against his forehead with sweat. It looked like he was going to say something else but I cut him off.

"Shut up." I focused my energy on not conveying any hint of emotion. A trickle of rage was climbing up my esophagus, but I wouldn't let it up any farther than my throat before I swallowed it. "All I know is that I _hate_ you Ronald Weasley."

I stood up and walked out of the Great Hall. John Muir definitely knew what he was talking about.

---

"Lizbeth Matthews."

"Are you sure you aren't being too harsh?" Lizbeth whispered. She walked to the front of the class to retrieve her test score. As she walked back I saw her smile slightly.

"What did you get?" I asked, casually trying to direct the conversation away from what happened earlier. I waited anxiously for Professor Flitwick to call my name.

"Pansy Parkinson."

I watched Pansy glide to front of the classroom. Flitwick nodded at her in approval. Pansy smiled and walked back with her paper, her brown hair flowing behind her. I decided that it wasn't fair for beautiful people to get good marks.

"A minus," Lizbeth shrugged, although I could tell she was gloating. Inwardly I prayed my score would top hers. Highest in the class wouldn't be so bad either.

"Congratulations Ms. Bones, you were the highest of all my classes so far," Flitwick twittered. His diminutive body shook with excitement.

Rage trickled up my throat again but I suppressed it. _'Remember, numb,'_ I thought. I smiled and clapped along with the class.

Susan Bones took the paper from Professor Flitwick and smiled at her Hufflepuff buddies. I wanted to rip her smile and the paper into shreds.

"Hermione, stop avoiding the question," Lizbeth said. She was done admiring her good grade.

"Blaise Zabini."

"You know you aren't going to be able to stay mad at Ron long. He made a mistake. I'm sorry to say, but, get over it Herms." She folded her test score in half and inserted it in her fluorescent pink bag.

I watched Blaise saunter to the front of the class. Every girl in the class watched his movements. One sighed as he brushed a curl out of his face.

"You like that skank?" Lizbeth half-giggled as she looked around the classroom. "Everyone is drooling over him."

"Despite the fact he is built like a Greek god, that's not why I'm watching," I whispered. Blaise took his paper from Flitwick and smirked. He gave his friends in the Slytherin crowd a cocky shrug and sauntered back to his desk.

"I don't see much in him." Lizbeth, said and turned up her nose jokingly.

"Michael Corner."

"Now there's a hunk," Lizbeth breathed.

A Ravenclaw with jet black hair and bleached blonde bangs had stood up to get his paper. He had a raven tattoo on the side of his neck and two lip rings. Flitwick gave a disapproving head shake, and then gave Michael his test paper.

"Hermione Granger."

The palms of my hands were slick with sweat as I walked up to the front of the classroom. I held my head high and tried to look calm. _'Please be good news. Please be good news.'_

"Ms. Granger was the second highest of my classes. Congratulations." Flitwick gave me nod, but the usual sparkle in his eyes weren't there. He wasn't as excited as he was when he handed Susan her paper. It was as if he were really saying, "I know you can do better than this."

I took the paper and went back to my seat. "98" it read.

"Good job Herms," Lizbeth said kindly.

I read the paper one more time to see if it were correct. The "98" was still there. I folded it in half, then again, then again, until in was impossible to fold anymore. I put in my bag. I focused on becoming numb, but I couldn't get the taste of failure out of my mouth. It wasn't good news after all.

_'Your only second best,'_ a thought popped into my head. It came from some dark recess where only the most negative thoughts are formed. The thought bubbled a moment, then popped. It was gone as fast as it had formed.


End file.
